true femininity

One of the requirements for my internship at IHOP-KC was to attend an 8 week inner healing course based on the book "Pure Heart". Interns were not so affectionately referring to the course as "Puree My Heart" because of the intensity of the subjects it covered. The book, written by Tom and Donna Cole, covers many situations that can occur in our imperfect human lives that can cause damage to our hearts. These wounds can keep is from seeing God as He truly is, and from seeing ourselves as He truly see us. Each chapter is connected to one of the Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew Chapter 5. The chapters cover wounds caused by parents, un-forgiveness, the importance of confession, true femininity and masculinity, and ultimately, the "True Self", which is our identity in Jesus.


The journey was monumental for me and the Lord really did a deep work in my heart in several areas. One of the hardest weeks for me was True Femininity. By hard, I mean that it was tough to be completely vulnerable and honest with how I was feeling, and the process was emotional. The healing, however, that God performed in my heart and mind was so amazing. I have not been the same since. I am a firm believer in this book and the process that the Coles have laid out because they facilitate allowing the Holy Spirit to come and do the deep work that transforms lives. There is so much power in operating the freedom of healing and in knowing your true identity in the Lord. Part of that healing process has been in continuing to work with Pure Heart programs. While in Kansas City, I co-led a small group for the new interns that arrived after we finished track one. And now, in Michigan, I have had the opportunity to co-lead another small group through the same program in my new church. God even stepped it up a notch and gave me the opportunity to share a devotional/testimony on True Femininity night. This is an extended version of that testimony:

Women are an equal but different expression of the image of God. Even as a woman, it has taken me quite some time to begin to understand that. The Hebrew word used for woman in the Creation story is "ezer kenegdo" (Genesis 2:18) which means powerful equal, not just a helper. We were not an afterthought in God's plan, but part of a two-fold expression of the heart of God. The first account of Creation in Genesis 1:27 says "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created He him, male and female created He them." We can see the sacredness of the the salvation covenant between God and mankind reflected in the marriage partnership He designed for a man and a woman. We are to become "one flesh" with our mates and we are to become as "one" in our relationship with God. This act of coming together in total agreement is the same picture we see portrayed in the image of the marriage of the Bridegroom Jesus and His Bride, the Church. It takes time and hard work to come into agreement with another person and with God. Let me just say here, too, that maybe that's why it's taking Jesus so long to return? But isn't funny how after couples have been together for decades they actually begin to "look like" one another? We become what we behold (I Cor. 3:18).

The Beatitude for this chapter is "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." (Matt. 5:7) In women we find a natural tendency towards mercy, though men are to show mercy as well. Women reflect the beautiful and relational side of the Father. We we created to be nurturing and compassionate. We were created with the longing to be captivated and pursued by another. We long to know that we are the only woman in the world that our man loves, and ultimately that God loves us and pursues us unconditionally. We long to connect with others on a deep level and showing mercy is a natural response to being in a trusting and wholehearted relationship. These things are the reflection of the Father's own heart and desires. He is jealous for us and will not suffer other lovers. He longs to be in relationship with us and desires to be pursued wholeheartedly. His plan for men and women is for them to serve together as equal partners in right relationship with Him and to be a reflection of His many attributes. We were all made to love Him and be loved by Him.

When Satan approached Eve and she gave into temptation, more happened than just the first sin - the results were not just being kicked out of Eden and women acquiring pain in childbirth. The Scripture leads us to believe that Adam was standing right there while Eve was being tempted, and he did not speak up or make a stand when she ate of the fruit and shared it with him. Eve directly disobeyed God's command that had been handed down to her through Adam, and Adam did not step up into his role of spiritual head of the relationship and try to correct or protect Eve. We can see the results of this betrayal in our relationships today. The Fall did not change our roles; the Fall resulted in men backing down and women taking things into their own hands. I love the quote from this website from the Jewish commentator Rashi: "If he [Adam] is worthy, [she will be] a help [ezer]. If he is not worthy [she will be] against him [kenegdo] for strife." In our brokenness, not only do we try to do things that we were not created to do, but we also try to fill legitimate needs in illegitimate ways. The Word says that the woman would desire to rule her husband but he would continue to be expected to be the spiritual head of the relationship. (Gen. 3:16) This struggle has lasted throughout history. An insecurity in the heart of women started with Eve and carries on in women's hearts today.

One thing that the Lord has been teaching me in the past year or so is that Satan doesn't just randomly attack us. He is not a prankster. He has a strategy and he has the advantage of not only knowing God since the Beginning, but also knowing humans and their tendencies. He hated Eve because she reflected the beauty of God and for the fact that she was given the ability to produce life. It is said that Lucifer was the most beautiful angel in heaven, and that his downfall was a desire to be worshipped. A human created to reflect the beauty of God would be like a slap in the face. He has been trying to destroy our beauty since that first day that he confronted Eve. Tom Cole points out in this chapter that the hatred of women in the world is illogical and compares it to the hatred of Jews. All throughout history we have been enslaved, abused, murdered, objectified, and at the very least, considered inferior in status or in intelligence. This is not just by happenstance; Satan has deliberately influenced our society to view woman in these ways. One example of how his schemes are designed can be seen the area of pursuit and commitment. The enemy knows that women desire to be pursued and shown faithfulness and loyalty and that these things allow her to trust and fully open up to a man. So we see men who pursue women, but it's often a game (subconsciously or otherwise) and they are seemingly incapable of commitment or fidelity. It is a lie that men cannot help but cheat. But because the lie is so prevalent we adopt it as truth instead of agreeing with the Creator about His Creation. He created men to be faithful and protect the heart of women. This scheme is two-fold in nature, because not only does this mistrust of men affect our ability to be in healthy relationships, it also skews our view of God, and can affect our ability to accept the truth of His heart for us. The insecurity and lack of trust can manifest in many different ways. Some women remain passive and live the life of a victim of whatever abuse they have endured. They are convinced that either they do not deserve better or that they would be worse off alone. Other women take a protective and defensive stance. They become the "maneaters" who are bitter and hateful; emasculating the men around them with their words and they become fiercely independent. They are determined to convince everyone (including themselves) that they don't need men and can do anything that men can do. And sometimes women completely deny their femininity. These women reject their beauty because of they way they have been abused or objectified and feel they can not trust men at all. Sometimes women will choose homosexuality over heterosexual relationships because they desire relationship but cannot trust men with their hearts. All of these emotions can carry over into our view of God and can wreak havoc on our ability to trust His love for us.

The feminist movement had some positive outcome but is also a source of deception. Pursuing equality outside of God's definition and standard has led to legalized abortion, gender confusion and the breakdown of the nuclear family. There is a constant struggle within us as we long for the things that have hurt us because of the fallen state of humanity. We try to live without them but we were meant for them. The enemy wants us to remain in this state of disconnect. The last thing he wants is for us to operate as we were created to operate, individually or as a team. He does not want us to relate to each other as God intended, and he does not want us to raise functional families that are pleasing to the Lord. There is strength and power and beauty in how we were intended to work together and compliment one another. The reflection of the Creator is incomplete without our partnership. The enemy is actively and intentionally destroying the hearts of men and women by whispering lies into their ears. And I, like so many others, have been buying into them.

I had gathered much insecurity unto myself over the years due to rejection and deception. I believed the lies about what the world called beautiful. When the hurtful jabs came at me at different times in my life, I came to believe that I was not beautiful. I compartmentalized inner and outer beauty and resigned myself to having to settle for the "inner beauty" as if that somehow made me incomplete. As I began dealing with the issues raised in this book, I began to realize that though I had some revelation of God's love and acceptance of me, I had no faith in those around me and felt the need to protect myself. I had placed the perceived importance of being married or in a relationship as the measuring stick for my own worth. I walked away from a relationship not long after I graduated from college because I knew that the Lord was not in it. I told the Lord that I never wanted to be distracted from Him in that way again. I didn't want to play the dating game; I wanted Him to bring the right man into my life. But as the years went by, I started to lose hope and hold a grudge against the Lord because I assumed He was calling me to be single. Ultimately I believed that I was not worthy of love or pursuit. I lost hope because my hope and identity were in the wrong place. As the Lord very gently began to reveal to me the true state of my heart, He showed me three things.

• First, He showed me that internally I was holding others to the same superficial worldly definition of beauty that had caused me so much pain. This was an excruciating revelation.



• Second, He showed me that I was holding my singleness against Him. I was assuming that because I wasn't married yet that He was calling me to be single and that was not the desire of my heart. The reality was that He wasn't calling me to be single. He was actually honoring my request to not be distracted in my relationship with Him and asking me to wait on Him. He was not saying "no", he was saying "not yet".



• And third, He showed me that I was protecting myself from rejection by inwardly judging or rejecting others first. Basically I had become somewhat unapproachable because I had this huge back off sign on my forehead in the spiritual realm. I was using what was initially a noble request (to not lose focus on the Lord) as a shield to protect myself from rejection. I was allowing myself to be intimidated by certain types of men and women that reminded me of people who had hurt me in the past. My self-hatred was being projected in my countenance and was affecting how I related to others.

The Lord brought me to these painful revelations because He wants me to change my definition of beauty. He wants me to accept the Truth that how HE see me is truly the only measure of my worth. He loves me way too much to allow me to continue in the mindset that I am unlovable. Through this process He has delivered me from a spirit of rejection; a tool that the enemy was using to hold me back and keep me from walking in the confidence of my true identity in Christ. I am finally beginning to understand what true beauty looks like. He has brought healing to those wounds from the past and has given me new confidence as the King's daughter as described in Psalm 45:9-17. I am one whose beauty is desired by the King and it brings honor Him. One of the transformations I saw in myself during that time may seem small, but I share it as a part of my testimony because it is pretty significant to me. I used to struggle with being photographed. I was very critical and particular about pictures being posted on Facebook and n albums because I just didn't like what I saw. I noticed after several weeks that when viewing photos of myself that I felt very differently about what I was seeing. There was a difference in the countenance of my face and the depth of my smile because of the healing I was experiencing. But the most amazing difference was that I didn't hate what I saw in those pictures anymore. My heart has actually started to come into agreement with the fact that I am beautiful in the sight of the Lord. What He says about me is the only thing that truly matters.

So women of God, I urge you to embrace the Word of the Lord about your femininity.

"Behold you are all fair, my love! Behold you are fair!" Song of Songs 1:15

"You have ravished His heart with one look of your eyes!" Song of Songs 4:9

"The King greatly desires your beauty!" Psalm 45:11

I believe that we need to pray actively and intentionally for revelation and stand in our authority as Believers to take back our identity. We need to pray for the Truth to overcome the deception and the Light to overcome the darkness. Women were created to reflect the beauty of the Lord in all of His mercy, compassion and loving kindness. We were created in God's image, and He makes everything glorious. Rise, Daughters of Zion; be confident in the One who love you without condition and let your beauty shine forth! This is a part of our worship and testimony before the Throne.

re-entry

"I'm just happy to hear that I am not crazy!"

I had the privilege to lead our very last small group meeting of the internship. It was providential because the day before, God had given me a message to share and the timing was perfect. After I had written my last post, a friend had sent me an email and totally identified what I was really feeling: Panic. Through the leading of the Holy Spirit, she reminded me that this 6 month experience was like a cross cultural trip, and should be treated as such as far as re-entry into my home and relationships. I have been forever changed by the experience that the Lord has brought me through at IHOP-KC. And at the same time, all of my family and friends have also moved on with their lives, going through their owns changes and journeys. These two things colliding can sometimes cause a bit of a reverse culture shock. Not only am I concerned about integrating the knowledge and changes into my life back home, but I was concerned about translating back into the lives of those whom I love.

My friend sent me several articles, reminding of my previous cross cultural training. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and the revelation burned on my heart. I needed to share this with my fellow interns. We hadn't covered the concept in our closing sessions. It was true that a lot of interns were staying in KC to join staff, but many were not. And even though many were joining staff, at some point they would be going home to raise a team of supporters. The very next morning, I was given the opportunity to take charge of the last small group meeting.

I put together a short exhortation of the main points of the articles. I wanted to bring awareness and offer tips on how to navigate through the emotions that would rise. When I finished and prayed for my team, one of the girls exclaimed "I am just happy to know I am not crazy!" She had left mid-internship to spend a weekend with her family at her brother's graduation. She did not understand the unsettled feelings she was experiencing and the trouble she was having relating to people. Because I shared the truth that had been revealed to me, someone else was also touched and given language for the emotions she was experiencing. Not everyone will have the same type of struggle, but being aware of the possibility is half the battle! Given this information we can pray more specifically and have the tools to combat the attack of the enemy. Spiritual warfare will definitely be in our future. We will have to resist the enemy who will try to steal the seeds that have been planted. If we understand that the emotions we will face are normal, it will be easier to stand strong and rely on the Lord to walk us through it. We do not want to compromise what we have learned for the sake of getting along with everyone. We want to integrate the truth into our lives and trust that the Lord will help us to maintain relationship in the process. After the positive response I got from the team that night, I put together an email with links to the articles and sent them to as many of my fellow interns as possible. My core leaders also said that they would be using the information in pastoring future interns in their closing connection meetings. Thank you God!

Not only did God send the right message at the right time, but in His abundant grace He went a step further. A group of friends have formed a "re-entry team" on my behalf. They have scanned the concepts of re-entry and committed to praying for me during the transition (which could take 6-12 months), as well as being there for me when I need to talk or cry or vent or tell stories that only I think are funny. By having a team of people around me who are aware of the season I am in, the transition will be even smoother. Even in my new found awareness, I can't possibly know the range of emotions or obstacles I might face. But the Lord of Hosts know all things and He is making a way for me. He is the Good Shepherd and I lack nothing. He is not only interested in bringing wisdom and revelation into my life, He is interested in protecting the seeds that He has planted so that they can be nurtured and brought to fruition.

diligence

"If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us; like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." - CS Lewis

The entries in my journal for the past three weeks have had a common theme: a deep desire to remain diligent. Living here at IHOP the past 6 months has been like a true oasis and a breath of fresh air. It has been water for my thirsty soul. The discipline of the program and the Holy Spirit have given me the boundaries necessary to stay on track. I now find that I am afraid of being left to my own devices, so to speak, and the barrage of distractions that await me. I feel exhausted really for the first time since I got here and have felt myself wanting to pull away from many things. I have had a tough time certain days staying engaged in the program and sticking to my commitment to the fasted lifestyle. I don't want to go back to the way that I was; settling for lesser things, wasting my time on frivolous pursuits. Even in this place I don't feel like I have my personal life structured or disciplined enough.

The truth is that I have come a long way. Sanctification is a life long process. My own twisted sense of perfectionism wants the work to be complete. I no longer want to struggle with all of the issues that have been brought to the surface and revealed to me through His kindness and gentle mercy. But what has really happened in the past 6 months is that while I have been set free of so many things, ultimately the point is awareness. The Father has made me aware of the snares of the enemy and given me the grace to stand against him in my authority as a believer. Temptations never cease, they just get more subtle. The Father has given me confidence in my identity in Him and in the calling He has placed on my heart. It is with these tools that I will be able to continue to stand and walk in obedience. It is by continuing to behold Him as in a mirror with unveiled face that I will become more and more like Him. He will complete the work He has begun in me. So in my voluntary weakness, though I get frustrated and doubtful, and see the lack that still exists in my soul, I will say "Jesus, I trust your leadership." I will rest in His promise that His strength will be made perfect in my weakness. And I will pray:

"God help me. I want to be intentional about how I spend my time. I want to stay in the Word. I want to give myself to prayer. I want to stay connected intimately to Your heart. I do not want to be dull with the things of this world. I want to be fascinated by You. I have tasted and I have seen and I cannot go back to the way things were. I want to be a bright and shining lamp, one who is on fire for You. I want to glorify Your Name and make Your Name known every where I go. I want to serve You, and serve Your children whom You love. I want to do things that matter and that last unto the Day of Your appearing. I want to walk in the fullness of Your plan for my life. I want to operate in the fullness of my identity in You. Strengthen my weak heart. Anoint my weak words. Bless my weak attempts. I cannot accomplish one of these things without You. I choose to walk in weakness before you so that Your strength can be made perfect in me and that You will be glorified. Lead me. All power and authority has been given unto You, Jesus. Amen."

Although this is the final week of Intro to IHOP and the program is almost complete, I am still a work in progress. This is only the beginning of the next chapter in my journey. It is my hope that with each turn of the page of my story the Lord will be glorified more and more.

"I want to be well pleasing to You on the Day that I stand before You. I want to be well pleasing to You, so I make it my aim in all I do."

the miracle of the missing mini-notebook...

I love being able to share this testimony to the power of God.

A couple of weeks ago on a Friday morning, I consciously made the decision to leave my mini-notebook computer in my room. Normally I take it everywhere I go. But on this day, I knew that the schedule was intense and I would not even have a moment to open it. So I left it lying on my bed, where I had been using it to listen to the prayer room while getting ready for class.

When I returned home around 10:30 pm, I began clearing things off of my bed so I could go to sleep. I realized that the computer was not sitting there and began looking for it. It was no where to be found, though the cord and the slipcover were still sitting there. I went downstairs, walked through the house looking around, and then asked Amy if she had seen it. It was not downstairs either. I went back to my room and looked again. It was definitely gone.

For the previous couple weeks Amy and Stan had been having the house painted; mostly outside, but the deal also included the inside foyer. That day Amy had paid them and they had packed everything up, even though they were supposed to return on Saturday for some touch up work. We quickly realized that one of the painters must have taken it, and since there was only 1 in the house that day, we knew which one.

Amy stopped payment on her check and Stan started calling and texting the two men who had been working on the house. To protect the "not-so-innocent", we will name our painters Bert and Ernie. Bert was hired for the job, and he asked his brother-in-law, Ernie, to help him out.

On that fateful Friday, Bert had been painting the foyer and hallway in front of the bedrooms. Amy gave Bert the check, and he and Ernie cleaned up all of the equipment and left. They deposited Amy's check into Ernie's bank, and Ernie went ahead and gave Bert his half, even though the check hadn't actually cleared. Ernie was the only one who returned Stan's messages, and it was quickly obvious that he knew nothing about it. He was upset that the check would not go through, especially since he had basically just paid Bert out of his own pocket. Stan told him that unless the computer was returned he would not issue a new check. So Ernie started working on my behalf to secure the computer, even though Bert hadn't even admitted taking it yet. I started praying and left it in the Lord's hands.

Monday was my day off, so I took the time to speak to a police officer and make a report of the theft. He agreed that we should continue to pursue Ernie since he was trying to be helpful and he would call him as well to encourage him to talk to Bert on my behalf. Ernie finally got a confession out of Bert when he told him that the laptop was only worth maybe $350 brand new, maybe $100 if he pawned it. He said "It' only worth $350??" and Ernie had his proof. Ernie offered to go and pick up the computer and bring it to me, because Bert had also confessed to having open warrants out for his arrest already. By 6:00 Monday evening, 3 days after the theft, Ernie was back on our doorstep with the computer in hand.

But wait! There's more!!

When I opened the computer to make sure that it was ok, there was a strange password screen on it. My password didn't work. I didn't panic because Stan is an IT Guru, and I figured he could fix it for me. So I handed Ernie the new check and thanked him for his help. A few minutes later Stan came to take a look at it, and he said that a "bios password" (I'm not sure of spelling, nor definition!) had been intentionally placed on the hard drive to keep me out of it. We had to get that information from Bert to get it open. Stan contacted Ernie and said that if he didn't get the password that he was going to cancel the second check.

When Ernie called Bert, Bert denied ever even opening the computer. There was no way, however, that it happened any other way. This is where the other half of the miracle comes into play. Ernie asked someone in their relational sphere and they happened to know that Bert used a particular password on several online accounts. Ernie let us know what it was, and it was exactly the right password! Seriously, this all happened in about 20 minutes time after I got the computer back. Basically, Bert had put the password on the computer to be hateful. Bert probably would have never given it up! It was by the Sovereign hand of God that we got the right password on the first try. I opened the computer and everything else was intact.

In my thank you note to Ernie, I let him know that I was a missionary in town for training and that the computer had been a gift to aid me in ministry. I looked up the definition of his name, and in Hebrew it means Faithful and Bold, so I shared that with him and that I believed God used him to bring justice to my circumstance. I let him know how much it meant to me that he had the courage and boldness to retrieve the computer, to look me in the eye and to apologize for something he hadn't even done. I had the opportunity speak life and encouragement into this man that I didn't even know. Stan also agreed to not pro-rate the check and allow Ernie to finish the job. Ernie was shown a measure of mercy from Stan, myself, and the police officer that is supernatural and can only happen through the grace of God.

I give God the glory for orchestrating this entire event. He heard my cry for Him to make the wrong things right, and He gave me the opportunity to testify to the goodness of His Name in the process.

where is the time going?

It's the middle of May. That means I have like 5 weeks left in Track 2. Where has the time gone?

Track 2 has been a whirlwind. The schedule has been even more intense than Track 1, but it feels completely different. Somehow I feel busier and more relaxed at the same time. It was rough to deal with the changes in our core teams and leadership, but we continue to be a family.

The past 10 days we have been honored to have a Bible Teacher from England with us. His name is David Pawson and has written more than 30 books, including a commentary called "Unlocking the Bible". I highly recommend checking him out in the archives. He is quite possibly one of the best and most clear Bible teachers I have ever heard. He did 26 messages while he was here, including 14 talks on the Uniqueness of Jesus Christ and the Glory of HisStory, as well as several messages of the End Times. Leadership completely rearranged our schedule so we would have the opportunity to attend as many of the seminars as possible and it was amazing. It helps that he is an adorable old British gentlemen that is so fun to listen to!

We have been serving in the Prophecy and Healing Rooms on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It has been an incredible blessing. I was scared to death initially and have realized in the past several weeks that God as done a mighty work in my heart and mind. I am so honored to be able to pour the encouragement, edification, and exhortation of God's heart into people's lives (I Cor. 14:3). I have been so touched as I have seen the light come on in their eyes as they realize that the Creator of the Universe has something precious to say about them. I am also serving on Tuesday nights as an assistant leader in the Pure Heart (inner healing) ministry on Tuesday nights with the current Track 1 group. The program had so much impact on me and I love now being able to see others find freedom. I have graduated from a yellow vest to a blue vest in the weekend services, which means we take turns now as the ministry team instead of ushering. We are also taking turns serving at Hope City, the inner city prayer room, as ministry teams and serving food. It is all such a privilege.

During all this time I have been going before the Lord and asking Him to clarify my next steps as I am preparing to move to Michigan. He has been so gracious to hear my questions and my desires. I had one of the best birthdays I have ever had, starting the morning with a birthday gift of revelation from God on some of the questions on my heart. He continues to speak to me through teaching, "random" conversations, homework assignments, and prayers. I am looking forward to what the Lord has in store for me and will live each day in expectancy.

a day in the life of an intern...

When I signed up for this internship I only had a skeleton of an outline, a whisper of what we were actually going to be doing here. I just knew that God was drawing; me to this place that He was giving me the desire to shed as much of "the world" as possible. I was hungering for simplicity and a deep encounter. I didn't feel like I could truly hear the Lord through the fog of my job, my activities, my busyness... I felt the need to shed it all and didn't have the discipline to do it. When people would ask me what I would be doing, it as hard to describe anything since I didn't truly know. I knew that there would be time in the prayer room and time in class. I used words like "sabbatical" and "fasted lifestyle" but I didn't really have language for what I was stepping into. I felt very strongly that it would be a place of preparation for the next step, which is missions.

So here was my schedule in Track 1:

Sunday

10:30-1:30 - Work with 4-5 year-olds in the Children's Equipping Center

2:00-6:00 - Prayer Room

Monday

Sabbath - off except for staff meetings the 4th Monday of each month

Tuesday

8:45-9:30 - Worship/ministry time as a group

9:45-11:45 - Core Teaching (Subjects like "Tools for the Prayer Room", The Gifts of the Holy Spirit, Forgiveness, Adoption, Sermon of the Mount Lifestyle, Fasting, etc.)

1:00-5:00 - Prayer Room

6:30-9:30 - Pure Heart (Inner healing and restoration through the Holy Spirit)

Wednesday

8:45-9:30 - Worship

9:45-11:45 - Core Teaching

1:00-5:00 - Prayer Room (Team 4 ushers 3-5)

6:00-8:30 - Life Group (small group meetings)

Thursday

8:45-9:30 - Worship

9:45-11:45 - Core Teaching

1:00-4:00 - Prayer Room

4:00-5:30 - Team 4 Briefing

9:00-10:00 - Prayer for Detroit at the Prayer Room (optional)

Friday

8:45-9:30 - Worship

9:45-11:45 - Revelation teaching

1:00-4:00 - Justice Prayer Room (training on Apostolic Prayers and prayer leading on the mic)

6:00-10:00 - Encountering God Service (Worship, Ministry, Preaching)

Saturday

Noon-5:00 - Prayer Room

6:00-10:00 - Forerunner Christian Fellowship Church Service(Team 4 ushering every 3rd week)

Some will look at this schedule and laugh out loud at the sheer lunacy. Some will look at it and love the idea of that much time in the before the Lord. I admit, looking at the schedule in the beginning I did not know how I was going to do it all. All I knew is that I needed to jump in with both feet and fully give myself over to everything He had for me. I am so glad that I did. I wake up in the morning with worship songs on my lips and in my heart. Instead of 4 hours of TV a day I might see 4 hours in a week. I have given up secular music and secular radio. I seriously the other day forgot the name of an artist I used to love when I heard his song at the bowling alley. It took me 24 hours to remember his name. I have found so much freedom and have made so much more room for Jesus in my life. And it is God who wooed me and then gave me the grace to do it. The fog has lifted and I can hear His voice, see His Spirit move so much more clearly than before. He has also opened my eyes to the schemes of the Enemy. It has never been a matter of what is permissible for me, but what is beneficial. What am I willing to let go of to be able to walk in deeper communion with my Beloved? What voices need to be silenced in my life so I can be free to think on the things that move His heart? When I turned away from the things that I used to entertain and amuse myself I realized that the pleasures of God are far superior to what I was settling for on a daily basis. I also realized that I was being influenced negatively in my thoughts and beliefs because the voices of the world that I was listening to were severely contrary to the Truth. And there lies the entire point. It is the will of the enemy to cloud our minds with so much garbage that we live in a state of fog and delusion, unable to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit that is intended for those who bear His Image. We keep justifying and reasoning in our search for freedom from legalism and religious bondage and work ourselves right into another prison. The other ditch, as Pastor Steve would call it. I am learning that there is so much that I have been missing, and so much that He wants to say to me. In this state of voluntary weakness and fasting the things that are permissible but not beneficial, I am being qualified and brought into my true identity and purpose in Christ. I honestly do not recognize myself in the mirror any longer. And it's to God I give the glory, for setting me on the path, giving me the grace to do it, and then rewarding me with His presence.

And now, in Track 2, I will be able to see how He is going to move me in these things that I have been learning. I have been hidden in the cleft of the rock while He passes His glory by me. It is a privilege that I do not take lightly.

life siege

I am blessed by the kindness of God; that He will reveal truth to our heart in the attempt to draw us into agreement with Him, and that by agreeing with Him we are drawn into a deeper intimacy with His Son. He calls us to obey Him, gives us the grace to do so, and then rewards us for doing it. What kind of system is that? In His mercy and perfect sovereignty He has made a way for us to come into His presence and to put on the righteousness of His Son, Jesus. When He moves us in conviction it is a gift, an invitation to grow closer to Him. He corrects those whom He loves (Hebrews 12:5-6).

I am also amazed at how easily we can go astray, how often we can slip into deception. The darkness in this world is not just a result of the Fall. It is crafted and designed by the Enemy who detests us; the one who hates all those who are Image-bearers. The evil things in the world are not just part of the equation, they are schemes to keep us from entering into the New Jerusalem, to keep us from knowing and operating in our true Identity in Christ. God has chosen to partner with man and the last thing that Satan wants to see happen is a successful union between us and His Son as a pure and spotless Bride. So for those of us who are living in a relationship with Christ and working against committing visible sin, the scheme of the enemy has to be much more subtle. Our true history with God is found in our thought life.

One of the first things that God put His finger on in my life when I got to KC was the issue of abortion. I have never believed that abortion was acceptable. I believe that life begins at conception and only God has the right to make the decision on whether a fetus is viable or not. (Deut. 30:19, Psalm 139:13-16, Jeremiah 1:5) I was, however, guilty of apathy towards the fact that it was legal and there was nothing we could do about it. In that line of thought I also began to believe that possibly in some cases like rape or incest that it would be acceptable. It was hard for me to imagine the pain of going through a pregnancy and bringing a child into the world that only reminds you of the tragedy you suffered. The child would be unwanted and possibly even suffer neglect. I want to share with you what changed my mind.

Sometime in the first couple weeks of class I was listening to the Prophetic History of IHOP. It is a series of messages by Mike Bickle that share how the Lord moved him to start this ministry and how the Lord has moved over the years to bring us to this point. As I was sitting on my bed listening to the MP3 and taking notes, Mike made a comment on the issue of legalized abortion that completely rocked my world. I curled into the fetal position, shaking and crying uncontrollably and I repented before the Lord.

Bob Jones is a Prophet that the Lord brought into Mike Bickle's life to help direct him in the way he should go in starting this 24/7 prayer movement. In August 1975, 2 years after Roe v. Wade, Bob received a word from the Lord to prophesy against abortion. Soon after, he was visited by a demon who told him that if he spoke out against abortion that he would kill him. Bob spoke out against abortion the next day and started hemorrhaging internally and almost died. I am really shortening the story, but this is just the background. Mike then spoke about abortion being an assignment of the enemy to kill the end-time messengers; the forerunners who will prepare the way for the Lord's return in the last days. Satan put it into Pharoah's heart to kill the first born sons of Israel to try and snuff out the God's promised deliverer, Moses. He also put it in Herod's heart to kill the male infants after he heard of Jesus' birth from the wise men, in an attempt to kill the rightful King of the Jews and Messiah. The enemy knows that the Lord is raising up a John the Baptist Generation, who will rise up from the wilderness and usher in the return of the Messiah. Abortion is not just another bad thing that we have come up with that contrary to God's heart. It is a blatant scheme of Satan to root out God's forerunner messengers, and in this day and age, aimed very specifically at the Black Community because of their destiny to bring forth worship and song in the end time generation. (Kushites mentioned in Isaiah 18:7). The truth of this revelation has moved me to draw that line in the sand. It has snapped me out of my delusion and apathy. Legalized abortion must end. We must take it seriously and we must dedicate time to pray against it politically and for God to move on the hearts of women. I no longer believe that it is acceptable in any case. I trust that the Lord of Creation can take the obedience of one's heart and heal not only the wound from the tragedy that has befallen them but also protect the life He has created. Trying to erase one tragedy or even one mistake with another one only heaps more tragedy on our head.

This is a controversial and hard issue to take a stand on. The enemy's roots run deep in the heart of man. The deception on conception is strong. But let me leave you with a few thoughts:

• Legalizing abortion did not decrease the death rate of women dying in the procedure.


• Less than 1% of abortions are done for rape or incest victims.


• Planned Parenthood was started by Margaret Sanger, and launched into black and minority communities with a Black Genocide intention.


• Our carelessness and the 4000 babies who are aborted everyday is actually decreasing the population, mostly in the African American community. 35% of abortions are done on black women and they only make up about 12% of the population. In the past 20 years, the Latino population in the US has gone from 10% to 15%. The black population has actually decreased to 11%.

Children bring prosperity and blessing and bolster the economy and increase ingenuity. God blessed the people of his covenant with descendants. The social and economic problems that we have cannot be solved with murder and are in fact only made worse. It is true that if we would save 4000 babies a day we would have a surplus of unwanted children that would fall into a broken foster care system. It is my conviction that the Church needs to step up not only in prayer, but also in fostering and adoption. God has given His Church the mandate to care for the orphaned and unfortunate ones (James 1:27). If we were all doing our part, the problems would be lessened, and God's would be glorified in the process. The truth is that the Word of the Lord will prevail. It will run swiftly. The Church will come into agreement with His heart and we will win.

On a Saturday afternoon in February over 100 people from the IHOP community went to a local Planned Parenthood location and stood on the sidewalk and prayed. We did not speak or picket, but covered our mouths with red duct tape, stood shoulder to shoulder, and prayed for a solid hour for the ending of abortion. It's called a Life Siege. It was the first time I had ever taken any kind of physical stand on the issue before. A friend who rode with me to and from the prayer meeting said it best. She said "I feel like I have driven a stake in the ground today." I have driven a stake in the ground; marked the place where I have come into agreement with the heart of God for His children and started to take action on behalf of those who do not have a voice.

a peek into the journal...

This is my journal entry from January 23rd. While sitting in the prayer room, we were praying:

Song of Solomon 1:2-3

"Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth, for His kisses are better than wine. Because the fragrance of Your perfume is lovely, Your name is like the perfume that is poured out and this is why Your people love you."

and singing:

"You bring restoration to my soul. You've taken my pain and you call me by a new name, You've taken my shame, and in its place you give me joy. You give me joy!"

"You take my mourning and turn it into dancing. You take my weeping and turn it in to laughing. You take my mourning and turn it into dancing. You take my sadness and turn it into joy. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! You make all things new!"

And then the Lord spoke to me and said:

"It may be Winter here now, but this is a time of Spring for your heart. I am going to speak things into your life; whisper things into your ear that are going to be with you until the end of the age. I will take your weeping and turn it into joy. This season is for you, beloved, to know Me like you have have never known before. Everything that I have been pouring into your heart and life for the past 35 years were for this purpose; that you would know the sound of My voice when you hear it and that you would know to come to this place. This is what I have for you, this is the beginning of the rest of your journey with Me. I will bring restoration to everything that you thought was lost, all things that are damaged will be made new. You are the apple of My eye and the love of My heart. I am Good, you do not need to fear me or the future I have for you. I have prepared you for such a time as this. Seek Me out and you will find me, in every place you look. I will give you the sight that you have asked Me for and I will send you to speak into the lives of many. Keep pressing into Me and I will place My heart in yours. You will be like a well watered garden that I can come and rest in."

Since that day God has been revealing more and more of His heart while digging deeper and deeper into mine. He has brought up things from my past and shown me specifically where He marked me as a Forerunner and how these things that He has placed in my path were for this end. He has also been faithful to gently point out the things that are standing in the way of me becoming all that He has created me to be. In these things He gives me hope that He can remove all that hinders love. He has assured me that He is preparing in me a message and that He is entrusting me with His heart for the world. I am undone by the glory of the Lord and the kindness of His heart towards me. Blessed be the Name of the Lord Most High. He is an all consuming fire.

IHOP-KC Internships

healing

A few months before I left for Kansas City, I started having pretty intense headaches every day. While I am used to tension headaches in the back of my head and neck/shoulders, these headaches were more in my face and jaw. So while I still had insurance, I decided to see the eye doctor and get a check up in case I needed new glasses. I also made an appointment with the dentist for the first time in like 18 years. (I know, it sounds totally gross and irresponsible, but I had some bad experiences with dentists as an adolescent and I have spent most of my adult life without insurance.) So I got new glasses first, but the headaches continued, so I went to the dentist. Fortunately I only had one cavity and the dentist was shocked at how healthy my mouth and teeth were. Thank the Lord for good genes! I was worried that something was wrong with my wisdom teeth, because I had never had them removed. But I did mention the headaches to the dentist, and she said that she would guess that it was due to sensitivity. My roots were exposed because my gums were recessed in some areas due to brushing too hard. She said it would bring sensitivity to temperature and sweets. This she says to the girl who has to have ice cold drinks, chews on ice, and has a major sweet tooth!

This revelation led me to do some experiments with different things to see if they brought on the pain and headaches, and it seemed to be true. So I bought some Sensydine toothpaste and tried to watch the temperature of my drinks. It didn't make too much difference. Something as simple as breathing in cold air outside caused me pain, so there was not a lot I could do to keep the headaches from happening.

I spend a lot of time in the prayer room and in worship services that are as loud as being at a rock concert. 32 hours a week to be exact. These headaches brought on by cold air or cold water, or sugar or whatever were only intensified in these worship settings. It was like my teeth were sensitive to the sound too. There were seriously certain guitar strummings and noises that set my teeth on edge like nails on a blackboard. You can imagine what this did for my focus. I started wearing ear plugs in these services, which a lot of people in this community do, for protection of my ears and to keep the noise from intensifying these headaches. The ear plugs, while helpful and a good idea for people who are consistently exposed to these decibels, made me feel even more disconnected with what was going on around me. I could still hear everything but in a muffled way that made it possible for me to totally disengage with what was going on and just read or study. Needless to say I was getting very frustrated. I knew in my heart that this was not God's will for me to come all this way to focus on Him and then not be able to focus on Him!

We spend a lot of time everyday praying for the healing of the sickness in our bodies. I sometimes struggle with asking for healing because I have the "there is always someone worse off than me" syndrome. But I have seen more people healed in the short times I have been at IHOP than I have ever seen in my whole life so I KNOW that Jesus is healing. One morning during the worship and ministry time before class, the leadership asked for anyone who needed healing in their bodies to raise their hands. I was finally done with struggling, so I raised my hands. This was the first week of February. One of my fellow interns came to pray for me. When I opened my eyes, I knew who it was and it was significant who God brought to pray with me. (I will share more about that in a minute.) So she asked me what I was praying for and I said that I have sensitive teeth that cause headaches. She asked if it hurt to even breath in through my mouth and I said yes. She prayed over me for healing for several minutes, and I felt the Lord telling me that he was going to heal me. I felt a peace. When she was finished praying for me, I looked at her and told her why God had led her to pray with me...

One morning early in the internship I had sat next to this same girl, Kelli, during class. During prayer time, we broke into to small groups to pray for a specific thing. About 5 of us sitting there together stood up in a circle and held hands to pray. While we were praying I felt my right hand get really hot as I was holding Kelli's hand. It was just my right hand so I knew it was significant. I heard the Lord telling me that there was healing in her hands. After we sat down and I thought about how I was going to tell her about it, the Lord even told me that she was going to say that her hands were always cold. I wanted so much to share this word of encouragement with her. But I didn't even know her! I was so afraid that I was hearing wrong or that she wouldn't receive the word that I completely chickened out and didn't tell her.

So now, here we are 2-3 weeks later and she is standing in front of me praying for MY healing. The unmistakable Sovereignty of God was staring me right in the face. So I told her what I had heard from the Lord about her and the gift of healing that was in her hands, and it was a very moving moment and a huge source of encouragement for her. I even told her "Your hands are usually always cold, aren't they?" and she said yes. I told her that the Lord had revealed that to me too. It was confirmation of her faithfulness to believe in praying for healing, and confirmation for me that I can hear the word of the Lord and that it will be received. Kelli told me that she wanted to pray for me again the next morning and I told her that would be awesome. Since I didn't have a headache right then it was not evident if the healing had taken place yet.

So I felt better that day in the prayer room, and didn't have a headache, but still noticed sensitivity and occasional pain. So Kelli prayed for me the next morning, and after she prayed she told me a story about someone else's testimony that God healed a women's sensitivity. She said that the problem with her was that her gums had receded and God grew her gums back. I laughed out loud because I had not told Kelli that this was the reason my teeth were sensitive. At that point we were both convinced that God was moving! She encouraged me to praise God with my mouth every time I brushed my teeth and just ask Him to fill my mouth with His praises and His words. I found this to be such a blessing and actually remembered to do it every time. When I shared with Kelli a couple of times about my progress she told me that ever since I had shared with her about the heat in her hands, she had noticed that her hands had been warm more often than cold.

I received more prayer about it later in the week, and God actually removed pain while I was standing in His presence and had people laying hands on me. From that night on, for about 3 weeks now, I have not had any pain at all due to sensitivity or tension, and have not had a single headache in the prayer room or evening services! If that is not enough, I fully believe that God is growing my gums back into a healthy place, because I can see a difference in them. PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW! He has defeated the Enemy who would have me distracted and incapable of hearing the Lord speak into my life! Lord, you are good and your mercies endureth forever. I am looking forward to testifying of the healing power of Jehovah Rapha, our Healer God, to my dentist when I go in for a check-up in a few months!

snow, study, snow, study....fasting?

We have had 2 snow days this week with the onslaught of between 8 and 10 inches of the wicked white stuff. Since Monday was our day off (Sabbath) that means we haven't met together for three days now. I miss my schedule and my fellow interns! I have been spending most of the time studying and working on assignments...I think I am about 2 weeks ahead of schedule now (lol). I feel blessed however, to be in a house full of people! It would have been a very lonely 3 days without my family! I am also blessed because I can tune into the Prayer Room anytime I want on the website IHOP.ORG. I highly recommend it because it provides an amazing backdrop to quiet time with the Lord and reading the Word.

The book I just finished reading is called The Rewards of Fasting by Mike Bickle and Dana Candler. This book has challenged me deeply. One of the things that drew me here in the first place was the emphasis on living a fasted lifestyle before the Lord. Hunger - spiritual, emotional, physical - is an escort to deeper things with Jesus. My views of a fasted lifestyle included trying to break free of consumerism, media addiction, and skipping a few meals in pursuit of intimacy with my Creator. While that is a good start, I have discovered that it is much more than this.

Bickle and Candler lay out what it means to live a fasted lifestyle based on the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew chapter 5.

"What is this lifestyle? Jesus defined it as embracing godly attitudes (Matt. 5), as we give ourselves to prayer and the Word of God, with fasting, giving, and serving others Matt. 6)....What does this lifestyle look like in our day to day existence, and just how do we walk in voluntary weakness so that God's power my be perfected in our lives? There are five types of 'fasting' described in the Sermon on the Mount We fast food, time, energy, money and words (Matt. 6:1-18) ....By giving, we fast our money and financial strength. In serving and prayer, we are fasting our time and energy. Blessing our enemies requires that we fast our words and reputation. In giving up food, we are fasting our physical and emotional strength."

This is only a very brief synopsis of the heart of this message. There is more to chew on than I can possibly blog. But I can share some of things that are on my heart after having finished reading the book today. First of all, this is completely contradictory to our society. "Going without" is not a phrase most Americans are familiar with at all. And before I get too self-righteous about being a Christian (in the world but not OF the world, right?) I have to place myself in the same category as everyone else. Comfort is king. Food is a god. Media is is paramount. All of these things while being good gifts from a good Father, have been placed on a much higher shelf than they should be.

And let's talk about food for a minute...it's all we think about. During church we are trying to decide where we're going to lunch. At work we are trying to decide what new or favorite restaurants we are going to go to over the weekend. We need chocolate to get through a stressful day at work, alcohol to shake off a bad week, comfort food while we grieve, party food while we celebrate....the whole concept of live to eat vs. eat to live has really hit home in this moment. Fasting food is a Biblical principle that most of us choose to ignore or have never been taught to adhere to...the thought of denying ourselves anything is foreign to us. Let's be honest, the thought of giving up food a couple of days a week makes us angry! The tragic thing is that we are missing a key component to intimacy with Jesus and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit in our lives. In our weakness He is made strong in our lives, but we don't really want to test that theory, not for real. I am preaching to myself here!

Media and entertainment has lured us into a virtually comatose state. I always have music or TV on somewhere. How can I hear the Lord over all that? I give to financially my church and to great causes, but do I ever really give until it hurts? A woman in the inner city testified last week that she had $10 in her pocket and $750 in bills due that week. She was at church and met someone going to a mission field of some sort. She felt the Lord nudging her to give the last $10 she had to this person. With a prayer, she obeyed. The following morning someone in her church handed her a check for $750 and said that the Lord had told them that she needed it. THAT is the kind of miracle and blessing we are missing out on when we don't live a fasted lifestyle before the Lord, sacrificing what we have for the glory of His Kingdom. And let's not even talk right now about "fasting our words and reputation" which means not saying anything negative about our "enemies" and not defending or promoting ourselves. The Lord wants to reveal Himself and the mysteries and secrets of His heart to His children, but we aren't listening. We're too busy self-medicating with all of these things to hear His voice.

All that being said, this cannot be entered into in a religious or legalistic manner. Living a fasted lifestyle before the Lord is not a formula for self-righteousness or blessing. It needs to be entered into with a heart of lovesickness for more of Jesus, our Bridegroom. Our only motivation should be to see Him more clearly and to love Him more dearly. Just because I read this book and have been made aware of some things in my life that need some adjustment, doesn't mean that I know how to do this. It will only be by the grace and mercy of God that I can make the changes necessary to place myself at His feet like Mary of Bethany.

(If some of this sounded harsh, I apologize. Trust me, the harshness was me kicking myself. It is not indicative of how the Lord is dealing with me. He has shown nothing but loving kindness to me in my shortcomings.)

And so I pray, Lord, I will not be content until my heart is burning with revelation so that I may live differently.

revelation

We open every morning with worship and prayer before our core teaching session begins. First of all, this is not your typical singing worship songs and prayer. This is prophetic worship and ministry time. People get words of prophecy, healing and deliverance every time we go before the Lord in worship. This is the best part of the day.

Yesterday morning we were singing and praying and one of the directors had a word from the Lord about a woman in the internship who had a specific calling, she had dedicated her life to ministry at about the age of 13-14 at church camp...um yeah, that was me. I raised my hand and people sitting around me came to pray for me, and the director prayed over me. Two women praying over me heard from the Lord that there was a spirit of rejection on me. I agreed and we prayed through that and I was delivered from that bondage. It was the most amazing feeling of relief. The director had been praying over me as well, encouraging me that I had not missed it, that I had been faithful and God was still preparing me to fulfill that destiny.

After the core teaching time, we were asked to fill out some paperwork for a program calling Pure Heart. It is an inner healing and purity covenant course we will be starting in February. On the form there was a checklist of things we were to mark if we were (or ever had been) struggling with them. One of the issues was suicidal thoughts. I had struggled for a short time with suicidal thoughts when I was freshman in high school. It hit me that it was August before my freshman year that I was at campmeeting and consecrated my future to God and felt the call to missions, and it was that first semester in high school that I was struggling with depression and dealing with suicidal thoughts until about Christmas time. The enemy had an assignment against my life! I had never made this connection before that I can remember. God had specific plans for my life and the enemy was trying to destroy them.

This means several things to me. It first of all means that God delivered me out of this trap. Through a faithful friend who reached out for help for me by contacting my youth pastor, and through the ministry of the Holy Spirit directly to my heart, the Lord looked out for me and did not allow me to be overcome.

Next it means that I was not only worth fighting against, I was worth fighting for. The enemy felt that I was significant enough to bother trying to trap. But more importantly, this thing that God has called me to is important enough for Him to bring to completion. I have been hearing a lot from Him while I have been here about my worth, my place in the Kingdom, the importance of fulfilling my destiny in Christ...and going back to this place of discovery when I was only 14 years old has allowed me to see that I haven't missed it. He knitted me together in my mother's womb and has been molding me and shaping me to be a Forerunner ever since. This is the place where it all starts to come together, where I find the boldness and freedom and intimacy that I need to walk out my destiny in Jesus Christ. I am in awe because I am not worthy in my own rite, but only because of the blood of the Lamb. I am honored to have a part to play in His Kingdom. And I am grateful to have another insight into how He has been working all things together for my good.

week one: it's new day, it's a new dawn, and I'm feelin'...good...

I want to chronicle my time in Kansas City so badly but I don't even know where to begin or how to process everthing that's already happened.... I haven't even been here a full week yet, but I was packing this time last Sunday. I had to say a LOT of goodbyes. All of my previous missionary training came in handy in that respect; I learned the importance of saying good-bye and taking the time to do it right. Leaving, even if its only for a little while, is hard enough to process without having unfinished business left behind. Little things have a tendency to blow up into major things in a new "culture" or setting. It was important to me to make sure that my friends and family knew how much I loved and appreciated them before I left. God has used so many people in my life to help shape me and make me who I am today. He used His faithful to speak into my life and help me overcome the obstacles along the way. For that I am grateful. I have an amazing support system at home and it is by Divine design.

I left Monday January 10 for Lee's Summit, Missouri. I drove about 8 hours before I hit the snow storm that was moving my direction. I stopped outside St Louis for the night to avoid the snow. About five inches fell that night while I was sleeping. When I got back on to I70 the roads had been cleared, but there were cars and trucks abandoned in the ditches and medians pretty much the entire way to Kansas City. Thank the Lord for his protection and for His Spirit who guided me to stop for the night.

Tuesday I made it to my cousin's home round 1:30 PM. Amy and her husband Stan live near KC in Lee's Summit. I have found that it is literally 12-15 minutes from everywhere I need to be. I am so thankful for their willingness to adopt me into their home and family. It is so nice to be with extended family since I am so far from home. I have been having fun getting to know her children TJ, Joella, and Garrett, and even their pets, Cash, Fanny and Pancake. Amy and I were able to spend a couple of days together shopping and running errands and having lunch together before the Internship officially started on Friday 1/14.

The internship...I have never in my life been so overwhelmed by the presence of God. The clarity of Him drawing me to this place is staggering. I am so full up right now with praise and adoration for the work of His hand that I can hardly bear it. In three short days I have already learned so much about my identity in Christ...all I want is more. More of Him, more of His Word, more of His presence and power in my life...THIS is what I was created for. Everything this world has to offer pales in comparison to true intimacy with Him. I have only yet had a taste of what He wants to do in my life when I look at how He worked to bring me here. I can not wait to see what I will look like in 12 weeks. And speaking of 12 weeks, there is a track 2 in this internship that is another 12 weeks. I am already praying that God will make it possible for me to stay the full 6 months. I have no doubt that if it's His will that He will make it happen. The financial miracles I have seen and have been hearing about from my fellow interns have been astounding.

This is just the tip of the iceberg...I promise to post more later as I process through the things I have been hearing from the Lord and as we dive in on Tuesday into our full schedule.