So my father is OK. He finally was released to go back to work this week and is doing half days for now to get back into the swing of it. He's been off work since April 30. Thank God he has a great job with great benefits and extremely understanding superiors. His bosses even came to visit him in the hospital. It's a relief to see him back on track after the heart attack and the surgery. God has been faithful. And I know mom is relieved to have him out of the house for awhile!My parents' church community did an amazing job taking care of my parents. I have never seen anything like it. My mom didn't cook for 6-7 weeks because of all the food they brought. People mowed the lawn, watered the flowers and new trees, came to visit, donated money, drove my mom to the hospital to see my dad, took them to their doctor appointments... it truly was an amazing wonder. It was such a relief to my brother who couldn't be here, and to me, who only had so much time off from work. I spent about ten days with them after the surgery and commuted the hour to work, but really felt like it was unnecessary with all the help they were getting. So I just went home on the weekends to help around the house and do whatever I could do.
It's been a long 3 months. Though my father has been recovering and healing like gangbusters the whole situation has really taken a toll. I had to step out of the worship team at church because I was always at my parents on the weekends. I have lost track of my own community right here. It feels weird now contacting my friends and trying to fit back into their lives. Same with my worship team and small group. It's nothing anyone has said or done necessarily but it's like a cloud hanging over me and I can't seem to shake it. Things have changed inside me over the last three months, and my friends' lives have continued. It seems like the community I moved here to be a part of over a year ago is not the same. I know seasons change, and my life has been a whirlwind of change. But I am finding it hard to adapt right now and hard to see where I fit into the grand scheme of things.
I told a friend the other night that spiritually I feel dry as the desert. I know that has a lot to do with my ability to deal with all the circumstances that have been thrown at me in the last 6 months. My healthy father had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery and I had to face the aging and mortality of my parents. One of my closest friends walked out of my life with no explanation. My closest Aunt has breast cancer and is now enduring chemotherapy. The stress of my job is through the roof. The dynamics of my friendships here close to home have changed. How can I possibly deal with all of this without the grace of God? I can't, which is why I think I am in the place where I am right now. Depressed and finding it hard to function. Having tension headaches that last for 4-5 days. Having to force myself to leave my apartment. None of this good. So, I know Where to go. But do I have the energy to get there?
