a peek into the journal...

This is my journal entry from January 23rd. While sitting in the prayer room, we were praying:

Song of Solomon 1:2-3

"Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth, for His kisses are better than wine. Because the fragrance of Your perfume is lovely, Your name is like the perfume that is poured out and this is why Your people love you."

and singing:

"You bring restoration to my soul. You've taken my pain and you call me by a new name, You've taken my shame, and in its place you give me joy. You give me joy!"

"You take my mourning and turn it into dancing. You take my weeping and turn it in to laughing. You take my mourning and turn it into dancing. You take my sadness and turn it into joy. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! You make all things new!"

And then the Lord spoke to me and said:

"It may be Winter here now, but this is a time of Spring for your heart. I am going to speak things into your life; whisper things into your ear that are going to be with you until the end of the age. I will take your weeping and turn it into joy. This season is for you, beloved, to know Me like you have have never known before. Everything that I have been pouring into your heart and life for the past 35 years were for this purpose; that you would know the sound of My voice when you hear it and that you would know to come to this place. This is what I have for you, this is the beginning of the rest of your journey with Me. I will bring restoration to everything that you thought was lost, all things that are damaged will be made new. You are the apple of My eye and the love of My heart. I am Good, you do not need to fear me or the future I have for you. I have prepared you for such a time as this. Seek Me out and you will find me, in every place you look. I will give you the sight that you have asked Me for and I will send you to speak into the lives of many. Keep pressing into Me and I will place My heart in yours. You will be like a well watered garden that I can come and rest in."

Since that day God has been revealing more and more of His heart while digging deeper and deeper into mine. He has brought up things from my past and shown me specifically where He marked me as a Forerunner and how these things that He has placed in my path were for this end. He has also been faithful to gently point out the things that are standing in the way of me becoming all that He has created me to be. In these things He gives me hope that He can remove all that hinders love. He has assured me that He is preparing in me a message and that He is entrusting me with His heart for the world. I am undone by the glory of the Lord and the kindness of His heart towards me. Blessed be the Name of the Lord Most High. He is an all consuming fire.

IHOP-KC Internships

healing

A few months before I left for Kansas City, I started having pretty intense headaches every day. While I am used to tension headaches in the back of my head and neck/shoulders, these headaches were more in my face and jaw. So while I still had insurance, I decided to see the eye doctor and get a check up in case I needed new glasses. I also made an appointment with the dentist for the first time in like 18 years. (I know, it sounds totally gross and irresponsible, but I had some bad experiences with dentists as an adolescent and I have spent most of my adult life without insurance.) So I got new glasses first, but the headaches continued, so I went to the dentist. Fortunately I only had one cavity and the dentist was shocked at how healthy my mouth and teeth were. Thank the Lord for good genes! I was worried that something was wrong with my wisdom teeth, because I had never had them removed. But I did mention the headaches to the dentist, and she said that she would guess that it was due to sensitivity. My roots were exposed because my gums were recessed in some areas due to brushing too hard. She said it would bring sensitivity to temperature and sweets. This she says to the girl who has to have ice cold drinks, chews on ice, and has a major sweet tooth!

This revelation led me to do some experiments with different things to see if they brought on the pain and headaches, and it seemed to be true. So I bought some Sensydine toothpaste and tried to watch the temperature of my drinks. It didn't make too much difference. Something as simple as breathing in cold air outside caused me pain, so there was not a lot I could do to keep the headaches from happening.

I spend a lot of time in the prayer room and in worship services that are as loud as being at a rock concert. 32 hours a week to be exact. These headaches brought on by cold air or cold water, or sugar or whatever were only intensified in these worship settings. It was like my teeth were sensitive to the sound too. There were seriously certain guitar strummings and noises that set my teeth on edge like nails on a blackboard. You can imagine what this did for my focus. I started wearing ear plugs in these services, which a lot of people in this community do, for protection of my ears and to keep the noise from intensifying these headaches. The ear plugs, while helpful and a good idea for people who are consistently exposed to these decibels, made me feel even more disconnected with what was going on around me. I could still hear everything but in a muffled way that made it possible for me to totally disengage with what was going on and just read or study. Needless to say I was getting very frustrated. I knew in my heart that this was not God's will for me to come all this way to focus on Him and then not be able to focus on Him!

We spend a lot of time everyday praying for the healing of the sickness in our bodies. I sometimes struggle with asking for healing because I have the "there is always someone worse off than me" syndrome. But I have seen more people healed in the short times I have been at IHOP than I have ever seen in my whole life so I KNOW that Jesus is healing. One morning during the worship and ministry time before class, the leadership asked for anyone who needed healing in their bodies to raise their hands. I was finally done with struggling, so I raised my hands. This was the first week of February. One of my fellow interns came to pray for me. When I opened my eyes, I knew who it was and it was significant who God brought to pray with me. (I will share more about that in a minute.) So she asked me what I was praying for and I said that I have sensitive teeth that cause headaches. She asked if it hurt to even breath in through my mouth and I said yes. She prayed over me for healing for several minutes, and I felt the Lord telling me that he was going to heal me. I felt a peace. When she was finished praying for me, I looked at her and told her why God had led her to pray with me...

One morning early in the internship I had sat next to this same girl, Kelli, during class. During prayer time, we broke into to small groups to pray for a specific thing. About 5 of us sitting there together stood up in a circle and held hands to pray. While we were praying I felt my right hand get really hot as I was holding Kelli's hand. It was just my right hand so I knew it was significant. I heard the Lord telling me that there was healing in her hands. After we sat down and I thought about how I was going to tell her about it, the Lord even told me that she was going to say that her hands were always cold. I wanted so much to share this word of encouragement with her. But I didn't even know her! I was so afraid that I was hearing wrong or that she wouldn't receive the word that I completely chickened out and didn't tell her.

So now, here we are 2-3 weeks later and she is standing in front of me praying for MY healing. The unmistakable Sovereignty of God was staring me right in the face. So I told her what I had heard from the Lord about her and the gift of healing that was in her hands, and it was a very moving moment and a huge source of encouragement for her. I even told her "Your hands are usually always cold, aren't they?" and she said yes. I told her that the Lord had revealed that to me too. It was confirmation of her faithfulness to believe in praying for healing, and confirmation for me that I can hear the word of the Lord and that it will be received. Kelli told me that she wanted to pray for me again the next morning and I told her that would be awesome. Since I didn't have a headache right then it was not evident if the healing had taken place yet.

So I felt better that day in the prayer room, and didn't have a headache, but still noticed sensitivity and occasional pain. So Kelli prayed for me the next morning, and after she prayed she told me a story about someone else's testimony that God healed a women's sensitivity. She said that the problem with her was that her gums had receded and God grew her gums back. I laughed out loud because I had not told Kelli that this was the reason my teeth were sensitive. At that point we were both convinced that God was moving! She encouraged me to praise God with my mouth every time I brushed my teeth and just ask Him to fill my mouth with His praises and His words. I found this to be such a blessing and actually remembered to do it every time. When I shared with Kelli a couple of times about my progress she told me that ever since I had shared with her about the heat in her hands, she had noticed that her hands had been warm more often than cold.

I received more prayer about it later in the week, and God actually removed pain while I was standing in His presence and had people laying hands on me. From that night on, for about 3 weeks now, I have not had any pain at all due to sensitivity or tension, and have not had a single headache in the prayer room or evening services! If that is not enough, I fully believe that God is growing my gums back into a healthy place, because I can see a difference in them. PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW! He has defeated the Enemy who would have me distracted and incapable of hearing the Lord speak into my life! Lord, you are good and your mercies endureth forever. I am looking forward to testifying of the healing power of Jehovah Rapha, our Healer God, to my dentist when I go in for a check-up in a few months!