I have been receiving a little peer pressure from my "blogging buddies" recently about lack of writing the past month. I will be honest, it's not because I haven't had time! I think I've just been in a slump lately; unhappy with some of my circumstances and feeling un-inspired.
It's not that the Lord hasn't been doing things in my life. Quite the contrary. I am loving getting to know my new church family.
There was a time (and not so long ago!) when I felt I never wanted to go to "church" again!
I have been receiving so much affirmation from the Lord through several people about the "voice" God has given me. And it's not about my singing voice this time! It's about the wisdom and truth that God has instilled in me. Often it's hard for me to speak up or pray out loud. I hear the Lord speaking to me, and yet I hesitate in sharing what He saying.
It's mostly a confidence issue. I have confidence in God, but not myself.
But lately I have been able to speak up. I have been able to contribute to prayer time out loud, been able to speak to people when I feel like the Lord has given me something to say to them. I feel like God is growing a whole new area of ministry inside of me, one that's more face to face and relational than just hiding behind a microphone. Leading worship is definitely a ministry, but sometimes I gravitate to it because of the talent God has given me. I consider it "safe". I haven't jumped into any organized ministry at the new church yet, because I want to wait on the Lord and see what He is doing. I definitely don't want to end up like I was when I left my last church: working at the church every night of the week just because I was "qualified" to do so. I want to do the things I am called to, and have the time to do them well.
I trust God to show me how to do that.
Another cool thing that the Lord has been doing is taking care of me in this transition and job search. Living with friends while broke and looking for work is not an easy position to be in, trust me. Sunday before last, the Associate Pastor's wife prayed with me after church. She sensed a heavy heart and a burden on my shoulders, and said that the Lord wanted to remove them from me. Within two days I had received a call-back for a second interview, the next day a friend of mine gave me an unexpected gift of money, and still more friends took me out and got shoes for me to wear to my interview. It was such an overwhelming flood of blessings, and it reminded me that God was still in control and looking out for His beloved.
One thing I love about God is the patience He shows in reminding my heart of the those things I already know in my head.
