Thursday, January 20, 2011

revelation

We open every morning with worship and prayer before our core teaching session begins. First of all, this is not your typical singing worship songs and prayer. This is prophetic worship and ministry time. People get words of prophecy, healing and deliverance every time we go before the Lord in worship. This is the best part of the day.

Yesterday morning we were singing and praying and one of the directors had a word from the Lord about a woman in the internship who had a specific calling, she had dedicated her life to ministry at about the age of 13-14 at church camp...um yeah, that was me. I raised my hand and people sitting around me came to pray for me, and the director prayed over me. Two women praying over me heard from the Lord that there was a spirit of rejection on me. I agreed and we prayed through that and I was delivered from that bondage. It was the most amazing feeling of relief. The director had been praying over me as well, encouraging me that I had not missed it, that I had been faithful and God was still preparing me to fulfill that destiny.

After the core teaching time, we were asked to fill out some paperwork for a program calling Pure Heart. It is an inner healing and purity covenant course we will be starting in February. On the form there was a checklist of things we were to mark if we were (or ever had been) struggling with them. One of the issues was suicidal thoughts. I had struggled for a short time with suicidal thoughts when I was freshman in high school. It hit me that it was August before my freshman year that I was at campmeeting and consecrated my future to God and felt the call to missions, and it was that first semester in high school that I was struggling with depression and dealing with suicidal thoughts until about Christmas time. The enemy had an assignment against my life! I had never made this connection before that I can remember. God had specific plans for my life and the enemy was trying to destroy them.

This means several things to me. It first of all means that God delivered me out of this trap. Through a faithful friend who reached out for help for me by contacting my youth pastor, and through the ministry of the Holy Spirit directly to my heart, the Lord looked out for me and did not allow me to be overcome.

Next it means that I was not only worth fighting against, I was worth fighting for. The enemy felt that I was significant enough to bother trying to trap. But more importantly, this thing that God has called me to is important enough for Him to bring to completion. I have been hearing a lot from Him while I have been here about my worth, my place in the Kingdom, the importance of fulfilling my destiny in Christ...and going back to this place of discovery when I was only 14 years old has allowed me to see that I haven't missed it. He knitted me together in my mother's womb and has been molding me and shaping me to be a Forerunner ever since. This is the place where it all starts to come together, where I find the boldness and freedom and intimacy that I need to walk out my destiny in Jesus Christ. I am in awe because I am not worthy in my own rite, but only because of the blood of the Lamb. I am honored to have a part to play in His Kingdom. And I am grateful to have another insight into how He has been working all things together for my good.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

You are so amazing.

Faithful Joy said...

GOD is amazing!! :) Love you girl!

Mary said...

Oh wow! I am so happy for you. I feel like you are dangling a glass of water in front of me because I am SO THIRSTY for this!

Exciting stuff!

Unknown said...

6 months? you coming for a visit after 3 right?

Cheryl said...

I am so excited for you as I read this, Shawna Joy!