A few months ago I turned 30. I guess it would be considered a milestone; like 16, 18, 21, 30, the big 40 and so on. Some of the people I love most in the world celebrated the occasion with me. I had wanted to have a cookout, but about 30 minutes before the guests were to arrive, we had the “storm of the century". So we had to move everything indoors, while dad grilled on the front porch. We still had plenty of food, folks, and fun…so it was a good time!
I wasn’t sure how turning 30 years old would affect me, if at all. I did, however, have a few moments of reflection, and that reflection threatened to shift into depression. As I analyzed where I am in life, I realized that it looked nothing like I had imagined it would look. I thought about the different dreams, goals, and expectations I had as a child, teenager, and in college, and I came to the conclusion that very little in my life looked like I had hoped. I had high hopes for my calling, dreams of marriage, children, and my own home . . .you know, all the things we view as successful, and what society equates to happiness. I find myself at 30 years old still waiting for these dreams to materialize, and it seems depressing and hopeless. I’ll be painfully honest and say that I felt some pretty strong feelings of despair, disappointment, and even self-pity.
I don’t, however, feel like a failure. That may have been the next logical step in my line of thinking. It’s hard for me to look at the life I have lived, the spiritual journey I have been on, and say it’s been a waste of time. Or that it’s not what I really wanted. All the material objects and achievements in the world could not begin to compare to the joy I have found in Jesus, the lessons I have learned from the trials of my life, or the LOVE that He has shown me. It is this joy that kept me from dwelling on what I DON’T have and focus on what I DO have in Jesus. This peace that I have found gives me the faith to believe that whatever my desires are, I will have them, if they are for my good. And whatever isn’t, will melt away as I pursue the Author and Finisher of my faith.
My life is not over. I am still too young for a “mid-life crisis”! And as His dreams and ambitions continue to become mine, I know that I will find true contentment.
5 comments:
reflection is a great tool that allows you to measure the growth you have accomplished. however, it is often weilded as a weapon of the enemy of our souls to make us feel like we're not like those around us. for once, the enemy is right.
when God places a call on your life, you give up every right to the white-picket fences in your time. everything we dream for comes in His perfect time while His perfct will is being accomplished.
hang in there, you're not your own.
-@
Shawna it's amazing to see the joy in your life! That's why I love you so much! Oh, by the way, you will never be old enough to have a mid-life crisis. I know I OCASSIONALLY say you're old but it's all a lie.
I felt the same way when I hit 30 and I still sometimes fall back in that line of thinking. I have to keep reminding myself of his blessings. You are not alone because He is with you.
30 is the new 20 - so they say. Sometimes we can reach a certain point of despair when we try to judge ourselves based on society's standards of the things we should have in our lives at particular times. As someone quickly approaching 30 I'm sure I'll soon understand all that you're feeling. You'll be awesome at any age!!
Love ya lots!!
Yo, dude--I had a moment just like yours on the 30th. It wasn't a big deal until somebody gave me a card that talked all about the 30th was a clean slate and blah blah blah...it put me in a tailspin. I wept...but 30 is a new start for you as it was for me. PTL that we have adventure instead of the mundane!! Cool. Talk to you soon. Amanda Hendrix
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