foresight

There is a deserted gas station outside North Baltimore, OH on route 75 that I pass every time I make the trip from Michigan to Ohio and back.  For some reason it really stands out to me.  It's a tiny nondescript building completely overgrown by nature, but what really caught my eye was the pricing sign.  Unlike the elaborate digital signs at modern gas stations, this sign is a single pole with rectangle at the top.  The price would have been in lights, but the sign is only built for .00 pricing.  There is no space for anything above .99/gallon!

While I love the thought of (and vaguely remember) gas being under a 1.00/gallon, the lack of foresight stirs up my soul. If the sign is an indication of the business planning it's no wonder the tiny station has been closed and deserted for so long that it's barely recognizable.  But the building has never been torn down.  It's still there, isolated on the opposite side of the freeway from all of the big time gas stations and fast food restaurants.  It sort of reminds me of the Disney movie Cars where all of the businesses on the old Route 66 are suffering and rundown.

Men perish for lack of vision.  This sign sparked in me the reality of how unprepared we are as a people for the end of the age.  Jesus said that He was coming back, but I believe that His people have forgotten what that means.  And honestly, I believe most of His people have either given up on seeing His second coming, or they just expect it to happen at any moment with no warning.  Jesus warns us to not be caught sleeping, so that the second coming is like a thief in the night.  But I don't believe that for those with their eyes and hearts open that His return will be anything like a thief in the night.  I have come to understand that there was a 3rd party in the parable of the 5 Wise and 5 Foolish virgins...the one outside who announced that the Bridegroom was coming!

The end of the age became a reality for me at two different moments in my life.  One moment scared me, and the other transformed me.  When I was about 14 years old I watched a 70's movie about the Rapture called "A Thief in the Night".  The movie portrayed people disappearing right and left and being caught up to be with Jesus while the rest of the world is left to face the Tribulation and all of it's horrors.  I went to the altar that night, even though I knew I was a Christian, and got "more right" with God. I was crying and scared and wanted to be ready.  That summer I definitely matured in my faith and consecrated my future to His plan.  But that view of the End Times did not transform my heart.  The fear subsided and I began to live again like it was never going to happen in my time.

When I went to IHOP-KC, however, I was faced again with the reality of the coming of Jesus to rule and reign.  For the first time in my life I began studying the Word and Revelation and it was actually making sense.  As I studied, my eschatological stance began to form.  I finally began to understand what all the terminology meant and was able to start clarifying what I believed.  My entire life I had been taught that we could not know when He was coming and that it didn't matter as long as I was "ready" to go when the Rapture occurred. I would then be caught up with Jesus, safe from the Anti-Christ and Tribulation...suffice it to say I don't believe that anymore.  Once I learned that Revelation could actually be interpreted literally and understood by the common believer, it changed my entire paradigm.  The Lord began to open my mind to His word, and began to show me signs in the Spirit about what is already happening and what is to come.  For the first time in my life I believe that I will see the return of Jesus, though I may be very old, and know in my heart that I have to be made ready and help make others ready to meet Him face to face.  He has placed the cry of the ultimate forerunner, John the Baptist, in my heart and a desire for all to know and understand what is to come.  Through His Word and by His Spirit, we will be able to discern the signs of the times, and eventually, we will be able to know when He will return (Rev 11:7-19).  Holy Spirit has lit a fire in my heart to teach Revelation and Eschatology, so that is exactly what I am preparing to do.

The enemy has kept us blind for too long.  Hope deferred has made our heart sick as a people, hoping and praying for the Lord to return for generations to the point that we now don't even look to the sky.  Lulling us to sleep is the first step in the Anti-Christ's plan for domination.  And unfortunately the belief that we will be "caught up" before all of the really bad stuff happens is only adding to the delusion.  We are a people called to intimacy with Jesus, for intimacy will sustain us in the Tribulation to come.  If we study and press in to the Father's heart, we will be able to discern the changing of the seasons and will be able to see through the lies of the Anti-Christ.  In that position we will be able to partner with Christ as the great and terrible day approaches, and for all eternity.  A lack of understanding and preparation will cause offense in the hearts of even believers and they will fall away or suffer loss.  I finally have some spiritual foresight and can understand the importance of being informed and ready to meet the challenges that are ahead.  It is my desire the help others to reach the same confidence before the Lord.

healing

A few months before I left for Kansas City, I started having pretty intense headaches every day. While I am used to tension headaches in the back of my head and neck/shoulders, these headaches were more in my face and jaw. So while I still had insurance, I decided to see the eye doctor and get a check up in case I needed new glasses. I also made an appointment with the dentist for the first time in like 18 years. (I know, it sounds totally gross and irresponsible, but I had some bad experiences with dentists as an adolescent and I have spent most of my adult life without insurance.) So I got new glasses first, but the headaches continued, so I went to the dentist. Fortunately I only had one cavity and the dentist was shocked at how healthy my mouth and teeth were. Thank the Lord for good genes! I was worried that something was wrong with my wisdom teeth, because I had never had them removed. But I did mention the headaches to the dentist, and she said that she would guess that it was due to sensitivity. My roots were exposed because my gums were recessed in some areas due to brushing too hard. She said it would bring sensitivity to temperature and sweets. This she says to the girl who has to have ice cold drinks, chews on ice, and has a major sweet tooth!

This revelation led me to do some experiments with different things to see if they brought on the pain and headaches, and it seemed to be true. So I bought some Sensydine toothpaste and tried to watch the temperature of my drinks. It didn't make too much difference. Something as simple as breathing in cold air outside caused me pain, so there was not a lot I could do to keep the headaches from happening.

I spend a lot of time in the prayer room and in worship services that are as loud as being at a rock concert. 32 hours a week to be exact. These headaches brought on by cold air or cold water, or sugar or whatever were only intensified in these worship settings. It was like my teeth were sensitive to the sound too. There were seriously certain guitar strummings and noises that set my teeth on edge like nails on a blackboard. You can imagine what this did for my focus. I started wearing ear plugs in these services, which a lot of people in this community do, for protection of my ears and to keep the noise from intensifying these headaches. The ear plugs, while helpful and a good idea for people who are consistently exposed to these decibels, made me feel even more disconnected with what was going on around me. I could still hear everything but in a muffled way that made it possible for me to totally disengage with what was going on and just read or study. Needless to say I was getting very frustrated. I knew in my heart that this was not God's will for me to come all this way to focus on Him and then not be able to focus on Him!

We spend a lot of time everyday praying for the healing of the sickness in our bodies. I sometimes struggle with asking for healing because I have the "there is always someone worse off than me" syndrome. But I have seen more people healed in the short times I have been at IHOP than I have ever seen in my whole life so I KNOW that Jesus is healing. One morning during the worship and ministry time before class, the leadership asked for anyone who needed healing in their bodies to raise their hands. I was finally done with struggling, so I raised my hands. This was the first week of February. One of my fellow interns came to pray for me. When I opened my eyes, I knew who it was and it was significant who God brought to pray with me. (I will share more about that in a minute.) So she asked me what I was praying for and I said that I have sensitive teeth that cause headaches. She asked if it hurt to even breath in through my mouth and I said yes. She prayed over me for healing for several minutes, and I felt the Lord telling me that he was going to heal me. I felt a peace. When she was finished praying for me, I looked at her and told her why God had led her to pray with me...

One morning early in the internship I had sat next to this same girl, Kelli, during class. During prayer time, we broke into to small groups to pray for a specific thing. About 5 of us sitting there together stood up in a circle and held hands to pray. While we were praying I felt my right hand get really hot as I was holding Kelli's hand. It was just my right hand so I knew it was significant. I heard the Lord telling me that there was healing in her hands. After we sat down and I thought about how I was going to tell her about it, the Lord even told me that she was going to say that her hands were always cold. I wanted so much to share this word of encouragement with her. But I didn't even know her! I was so afraid that I was hearing wrong or that she wouldn't receive the word that I completely chickened out and didn't tell her.

So now, here we are 2-3 weeks later and she is standing in front of me praying for MY healing. The unmistakable Sovereignty of God was staring me right in the face. So I told her what I had heard from the Lord about her and the gift of healing that was in her hands, and it was a very moving moment and a huge source of encouragement for her. I even told her "Your hands are usually always cold, aren't they?" and she said yes. I told her that the Lord had revealed that to me too. It was confirmation of her faithfulness to believe in praying for healing, and confirmation for me that I can hear the word of the Lord and that it will be received. Kelli told me that she wanted to pray for me again the next morning and I told her that would be awesome. Since I didn't have a headache right then it was not evident if the healing had taken place yet.

So I felt better that day in the prayer room, and didn't have a headache, but still noticed sensitivity and occasional pain. So Kelli prayed for me the next morning, and after she prayed she told me a story about someone else's testimony that God healed a women's sensitivity. She said that the problem with her was that her gums had receded and God grew her gums back. I laughed out loud because I had not told Kelli that this was the reason my teeth were sensitive. At that point we were both convinced that God was moving! She encouraged me to praise God with my mouth every time I brushed my teeth and just ask Him to fill my mouth with His praises and His words. I found this to be such a blessing and actually remembered to do it every time. When I shared with Kelli a couple of times about my progress she told me that ever since I had shared with her about the heat in her hands, she had noticed that her hands had been warm more often than cold.

I received more prayer about it later in the week, and God actually removed pain while I was standing in His presence and had people laying hands on me. From that night on, for about 3 weeks now, I have not had any pain at all due to sensitivity or tension, and have not had a single headache in the prayer room or evening services! If that is not enough, I fully believe that God is growing my gums back into a healthy place, because I can see a difference in them. PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW! He has defeated the Enemy who would have me distracted and incapable of hearing the Lord speak into my life! Lord, you are good and your mercies endureth forever. I am looking forward to testifying of the healing power of Jehovah Rapha, our Healer God, to my dentist when I go in for a check-up in a few months!

revelation

We open every morning with worship and prayer before our core teaching session begins. First of all, this is not your typical singing worship songs and prayer. This is prophetic worship and ministry time. People get words of prophecy, healing and deliverance every time we go before the Lord in worship. This is the best part of the day.

Yesterday morning we were singing and praying and one of the directors had a word from the Lord about a woman in the internship who had a specific calling, she had dedicated her life to ministry at about the age of 13-14 at church camp...um yeah, that was me. I raised my hand and people sitting around me came to pray for me, and the director prayed over me. Two women praying over me heard from the Lord that there was a spirit of rejection on me. I agreed and we prayed through that and I was delivered from that bondage. It was the most amazing feeling of relief. The director had been praying over me as well, encouraging me that I had not missed it, that I had been faithful and God was still preparing me to fulfill that destiny.

After the core teaching time, we were asked to fill out some paperwork for a program calling Pure Heart. It is an inner healing and purity covenant course we will be starting in February. On the form there was a checklist of things we were to mark if we were (or ever had been) struggling with them. One of the issues was suicidal thoughts. I had struggled for a short time with suicidal thoughts when I was freshman in high school. It hit me that it was August before my freshman year that I was at campmeeting and consecrated my future to God and felt the call to missions, and it was that first semester in high school that I was struggling with depression and dealing with suicidal thoughts until about Christmas time. The enemy had an assignment against my life! I had never made this connection before that I can remember. God had specific plans for my life and the enemy was trying to destroy them.

This means several things to me. It first of all means that God delivered me out of this trap. Through a faithful friend who reached out for help for me by contacting my youth pastor, and through the ministry of the Holy Spirit directly to my heart, the Lord looked out for me and did not allow me to be overcome.

Next it means that I was not only worth fighting against, I was worth fighting for. The enemy felt that I was significant enough to bother trying to trap. But more importantly, this thing that God has called me to is important enough for Him to bring to completion. I have been hearing a lot from Him while I have been here about my worth, my place in the Kingdom, the importance of fulfilling my destiny in Christ...and going back to this place of discovery when I was only 14 years old has allowed me to see that I haven't missed it. He knitted me together in my mother's womb and has been molding me and shaping me to be a Forerunner ever since. This is the place where it all starts to come together, where I find the boldness and freedom and intimacy that I need to walk out my destiny in Jesus Christ. I am in awe because I am not worthy in my own rite, but only because of the blood of the Lamb. I am honored to have a part to play in His Kingdom. And I am grateful to have another insight into how He has been working all things together for my good.