community

So my father is OK. He finally was released to go back to work this week and is doing half days for now to get back into the swing of it. He's been off work since April 30. Thank God he has a great job with great benefits and extremely understanding superiors. His bosses even came to visit him in the hospital. It's a relief to see him back on track after the heart attack and the surgery. God has been faithful. And I know mom is relieved to have him out of the house for awhile!

My parents' church community did an amazing job taking care of my parents. I have never seen anything like it. My mom didn't cook for 6-7 weeks because of all the food they brought. People mowed the lawn, watered the flowers and new trees, came to visit, donated money, drove my mom to the hospital to see my dad, took them to their doctor appointments... it truly was an amazing wonder. It was such a relief to my brother who couldn't be here, and to me, who only had so much time off from work. I spent about ten days with them after the surgery and commuted the hour to work, but really felt like it was unnecessary with all the help they were getting. So I just went home on the weekends to help around the house and do whatever I could do.

It's been a long 3 months. Though my father has been recovering and healing like gangbusters the whole situation has really taken a toll. I had to step out of the worship team at church because I was always at my parents on the weekends. I have lost track of my own community right here. It feels weird now contacting my friends and trying to fit back into their lives. Same with my worship team and small group. It's nothing anyone has said or done necessarily but it's like a cloud hanging over me and I can't seem to shake it. Things have changed inside me over the last three months, and my friends' lives have continued. It seems like the community I moved here to be a part of over a year ago is not the same. I know seasons change, and my life has been a whirlwind of change. But I am finding it hard to adapt right now and hard to see where I fit into the grand scheme of things.

I told a friend the other night that spiritually I feel dry as the desert. I know that has a lot to do with my ability to deal with all the circumstances that have been thrown at me in the last 6 months. My healthy father had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery and I had to face the aging and mortality of my parents. One of my closest friends walked out of my life with no explanation. My closest Aunt has breast cancer and is now enduring chemotherapy. The stress of my job is through the roof. The dynamics of my friendships here close to home have changed. How can I possibly deal with all of this without the grace of God? I can't, which is why I think I am in the place where I am right now. Depressed and finding it hard to function. Having tension headaches that last for 4-5 days. Having to force myself to leave my apartment. None of this good. So, I know Where to go. But do I have the energy to get there?

kryptonite

Friday night last week the world came to a jarring halt. I got a phone call late evening from my mom on my aunt's cell phone...never a good sign. My father was in the hospital having a heart attack. Something in the atmosphere cracked open and the sound was deafening.

My dad is one of those kind of men that daughters use as a model to find their future husband. Not perfect. But so pure in heart and so sincere in life that it makes it almost impossible to find another man who can measure up. My parents have never spoken the word divorce; not once in almost 40 years of marriage. I have watched my father serve Christ and my mother for 32 years. He is a Superman who works overtime in his job, maintains 5 acres of land and a 100 year old house, serves in the ministry of the Church, and takes care of a wife who is chronically ill. His employers admire his work ethic, his children admire his integrity, and his peers admire his strength. He has been example to his older brothers, his family, and his co-workers.

Superman.

My dad was riding in the car with my mom, on his way to the chiropractor because he had been having severe shoulder/back pain all day. He came home from work early, which is rare. My mom was driving, which almost never happens.

Thank God it did on Friday.

My father passed out cold with his eyes wide open, and mom struggled to drive and search for his pulse at the same time. He came to and passed out 2 more times before they got to the Dr's office, all the while mom is beating on his chest with one hand and steering the car with the other. He was taken to the first hospital in a squad from the Chiropractor's office, and was stabilized there. Blood work confirmed it had been a heart attack. He was transported to a larger hospital, and there it was confirmed that four of his main arteries were blocked. He had severe issues and we never even knew it.

My dad lost about 65 pounds four or five years ago and has kept it off. He eats healthy, he walks on his lunch breaks, he gets regular physicals and stress tests. He brought his cholesterol down 40 points. All this and he still had a heart attack. He was taking care of himself because he knew heart disease was prominent in his family. And yet here he was, age 59 and lying in a hospital bed and facing possible quadruple bypass surgery.

Kryptonite.

I spent the first three days and 2 nights in hospital, barely sleeping in the waiting room. I couldn't imagine leaving him there alone. The thought of losing him was too great. The thought of him possibly dying there alone was unbearable. So I stayed.

And God was good. He bounced back almost immediately. His color returned, his eyes lit back up. He was bored just sitting there in the hospital bed. Seeing him look like himself so quickly was such a blessing. And so were the people who lined up to visit him all weekend long; family and friends showing their love and support. My dad, slightly embarrassed at all the attention, was able to see for just a moment how truly important he was to all of us. I hope that it sticks with him.

My Superman is not out of the woods yet. There is surgery and recovery yet to come to repair the damage done. But God has shown His sovereignty and his protection. I will trust in Him to continue to watch over my father and preserve his life. And I will give thanks to Him that in our weakness, He is made strong.

I love you, daddy.

priviledge

Check out my friend here......I have always been fascinated (and a little freaked out) by lizards. This Komodo Dragon was in the South East Asia part of the Columbus Zoo. I have been going to the zoo with my friend Christi and her daughter Shannon for the past couple of years and love it! I have always loved animals. More importantly it's something fun for the three of us to do together. Shannon is the closest thing to a niece that I have and I enjoy being a part of her life and watching her grow up. Looking at these pictures of last year's trip maybe me realize again how privileged I have been.

I look back at the last 31 years and I have so many awesome memories, most importantly in the area of relationship. My very nature craves authentic relationships with people, and God has blessed me over and over by bringing people into my life with which I can relate and grow and even just laugh uncontrollably. I take the art of friendship very seriously. So seriously that sometimes it is really hard for me to mingle in a new crowd. I am not a mixer-type person; I hated the ice breaker games that my youth pastor would force us into my entire adolescence. It takes me longer to get to know someone, longer to let them in, because I am looking for something deeper than just a good time. But once you're a friend, you're a friend for life. People I went to college with come to me when they want to know where someone is now, 10 years later. I have girls that I counseled in youth camp while they were teens, and I stayed in touch with them for years, through their college and marriages...

That's not to say that I don't have my issues. Maintaining this level of friendship can be hard work and painful, and I am not always as good at as I intend to be. It hurts more when we let each other down. We cut deeper because we are more intimate, and human nature just gets in the way of the ideal unconditional love. I am not naive enough to believe that any relationship is always 50/50. Life is too bumpy for that. The key is recognizing the difference between someone truly struggling and someone taking advantage of your kindness. I am all for boundaries and healthy relationships. But there will always be expectations in every relationship. They may wax and wane as circumstances change, but when you consider someone family, when you have given part of yourself to someone, there are expectations. You expect them to take your feelings into consideration. You expect them to honor your convictions and know when you're not yourself. You expect to be given the benefit of doubt when they hear something about you that upsets them. And when something goes wrong in any of these areas, you expect to hear I'm sorry. Sometimes the percentages look like 60/40 or 80/20, and even 90/10. But they need to fluctuate in order to be healthy.

I have been blessed with a lot of friends over the years. And naturally, there are those I have considered my closest friends; those who are like family. A lot of that comes from what we have experienced together spiritually, not just circumstantially or recreation-ally. I need to have people around me who know me well, and understand where I am in my walk with Jesus. I have found that I cannot function without this. God has created me to be a part of His body and I can't function alone. He alone is the Head. I can rely on Him when others let me down, but I can't walk away from my body completely when there is hardship. There will always be hardship. People are messy. But over time I have learned to not burn bridges unnecessarily because one day my life could take an unexpected turn and I might need to cross it again. Even when adversity takes place, or when the natural flow of life causes a relationship to drift, I want to handle it in such a way that the door is open for restoration and reunion.

Lord knows I don't always get it right. I have had to make apologies and I have faced regret. But I hope that I will be able to continue to learn in the journey and from the people God places in my life. Friendship is a privilege.

snow

It's a bit late, but winter is here for real. The last two weeks have been insane with dangerous temps and mountains of snow...We have snow emergency levels, which I have found out not every state has. Level 1 means "look out", level 2 means "don't go if you don't have to", and Level 3 means "drive and you might get arrested". One storm that hit last week started right before rush hour. It took me 45 minutes to get out of the parking lot, and another hour to get home. I only live 20 minutes away!! It was horrendous. This week I left early on Tues and had to stay home on Weds because my county was at a level 3. Cool thing is that I get paid because it was a level 3 emergency. That's an awesome bonus, but I felt bad for my teammates at work who live close and had to come bear the burden of so many people being gone. Ashland never sleeps!

The snow is about a foot deep outside my apartment, and I had to really struggle with my car to get backed out of my parking space. I have no shovel, and usually the apartment complex takes care of shoveling, but I think they were overworked this week and couldn't do everything in time. Even Honda cancelled 4 shifts in a row, you know it's bad cuz that costs like $5000+ a minute that the line is shut down... An hour south where I'm from we would get the snow, but more freezing rain and ice-which means losing electricity. Up here it's just mountains of snow! That's probably why we have a ski lodge 15 miles north of us...

It's been an environmentally stressful couple of weeks...I hope winter doesn't last longer since we got such a late start!! Here's the snow piled up outside my door the other night...

On a side note, I took this picture with my new phone! I got a Cherry Chocolate phone last month and I love it. Here's a pic of it....

Well, that's all that's going on around here. Later!

a year in review

A friend of mine copied a friend of his and posted the first line of the first post of each month last year. I thought to myself "Self, what a cool idea!" So I am doing the same as a reminder of where I have been and what God has done. The only difference is, I am going to copy the LAST line of the first post for every month...

January 2006
"May the Lord strengthen your resolve, and establish a foundation of Love in your heart that will change the world. "

February 2006
"One thing I love about God is the patience He shows in reminding my heart of the those things I already know in my head.. "

March 2006
"I am so thankful for His faithfulness! And thank all of you for praying for me!!"

April 2006
"God has heard my prayers of loneliness and discontent and He has brought to this Community of Believers. I'm home."

May 2006
" I PRAISE YOU JESUS for loving me enough to never give up on me!"

June 2006
"But my prayer is that my priorities stay in line with what Jesus says I need and when I need them; it is only then that I find the underlying peace that comes with knowing that God is truly in control of time. "

July 2006
"The good times are definitely out-weighing the bad, and God is blessing!"

August 2006
"I feel blessed to have had such a life altering experience."

September 2006
"It was good for my soul to see another miracle orchestrated in the life of one of His children: Thank you, Abba."

October 2006
"I stand amazed!"

November 2006
"There is nothing I would rather be than a testimony to the grace of God."

December 2006
"I have been truly blessed."

happy new year

Happy 2007 my friends! My resolution has been the same for the past several years, and that is to not make any resolutions! So, instead of disappointing myself by February for not keeping my goals, I am handing another year over to the Lord to fill with goals and promises He CAN keep. This new year has so much potential and promise, and I am anxious to see what God will do for His children.

May God bless each of you abundantly and show you favor. May His love permeate your lives and transform you a little more each day into who He has created you to be. I love you all!

'tristmas" pt 2

So, little did I know when I wrote my last entry what this Christmas would actually hold for me and my family...

Thursday morning before Christmas I got a call from my dad, which in and of itself is a reason for me to worry. Listening to the message, I discovered that mom had intestinal flu, and they didn't think it would be a good idea for me to come home. I wasn't planning to be there until late Saturday, so I emailed him and told him that I would wait until Sunday afternoon, but I couldn't just NOT come home for Christmas. I was hoping it would be a 24 hour thing and all would be as it should by then...

Saturday I got a message from mom, she was not any better and now dad had caught the bug. According to her it was the world's worst flu, and she didn't want me near them. Also, the house was not ready, nor the food or gifts...

Now there was an issue. I live alone, over an hour from my parents, and the thought of spending Christmas Eve into Christmas morning alone for the first time in my life did not sound pleasant. I am blessed with friends who are like family, and I could spend Christmas Day with them, but the night before.... no candlelight service, no special meal, no cookies and hot chocolate by the fireplace... and waking up alone on Christmas morning... I'd like to spiritualize all of it, and say that it was an awesome opportunity to reflect on Jesus and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. While I did spend time reflecting on Jesus, and I tried to make the best of it while cooking myself a nice meal and wrapping gifts, it was still very difficult. One ray of light from the Lord came through a phone call from a friend spending his first Christmas away from home as well, and it reminded me of all of my friends overseas who would be missing their family this night. Remembering this eased the pain, and helped me realize that I wasn't truly alone. Besides that, as miserable I was, it was nothing compared to what my parents were facing. Mom said she lost 10 lbs in 4 days...

I had fun on Christmas day with my friends and truly enjoyed the relaxation of having a four day weekend from work. And I'll have Christmas with my family; it's only been postponed. I watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" on Christmas day and it reminded me again that Christmas comes, with or without trappings, because that's not what it's about anyway. But this experience also made me appreciate my family even more than the traditions we have in place. I know that I can live without the traditions, though it's nice to have the memories we have made over the years together. I realized that I just wanted to be with THEM, whether we had presents or food or not. I have been truly blessed.

"tristmas"

The Christmas season turns a lot people into kids again. "Tristmas" was how I pronounced Christmas in COLLEGE, not as a child. I get downright giddy when it comes to decorating and giving gifts and pulling out the Christmas music...sometimes it makes me sound like a moron. But I have always been a kid at heart. I love cartoons; Disney movies, Spongebob Squarepants, and(much to my brother's dismay) I know every Veggie Tale silly song by heart. And the music! I remember getting the Mariah Carey Christmas CD for myself the year I knew I was getting my first CD player. My college friends and I listened to that thing year 'round!

I don't remember a lot of Christmas's before 5-6th grade. I remember my first cabbage patch doll, and different gifts I got throughout the years, but the most ingrained memory is the traditional Christmas celebration in the Pierce household. We got it all mapped out early (I don't even remember how it started!) and though we have tried to deviate from "the plan" over the years, we ALWAYS came back to the family traditions. My mom brought organization to the chaos on my dad's side of the family. She went over to my grandparents' early in their relationship and it was a free-for-all around the tree...Everyone opening all their presents at once. It was over in minutes and no one knew who got what and and from whom. She started having them take turns from youngest to oldest and it stuck, there and in our own home. It gave everyone a chance to sit and share with one another and give thanks for what they were receiving.

Here is what a Christmas Eve and Christmas Day would look like in our home. (Mom always wanted the quality time to last as long as possible!) :

Christmas Eve was full of baking and wrapping and getting ready for the next day. We would go to the candlelight Christmas Eve service at our church and then come home and have a nice meal, and then hot chocolate and cookies around the fireplace. Mom NEVER put all the presents under the tree before Christmas morning. She always waited until we went to bed to fill it up so that we would be surprised in the morning. Even after we stopped believing in Santa, she would keep our presents hidden. She also does not like to tell one of us what she got for the other. Only if she needed advice or help did she reveal what she got anyone.

On Christmas morning we would wake up and go down and start with stockings. We even took turns with those, reaching in for one thing at a time, going in order of youngest to oldest. When my sister in law joined our gathering, she had problems with this in particular. I don't know how many times my brother would call her out for digging around in her stocking when it was someone else's turn. She would just get this cute obviously guilty look on her face. I think he was maybe jus jealous he wasn't the youngest in the family anymore! Once those were done we would all go and help fix breakfast. Usually it was dad's famous scrambled eggs and some amazing baked sweet creation from mom. Only after we were finished with breakfast would we start passing out the gifts. Opening one at a time prolonged our time together, and it made the magic of Christmas morning last.

As an adult now I find myself still clinging to those things. I want the same tree we had growing up (though it's the oldest and fakest fake tree ever), I want the schedule to be the same, I want my brother to be there. But things change. The old tree has been retired for a number of tiny pencil trees, we only get my brother and sister every other year now, and I don't live at home anymore. Living on my own I miss most of the decorating and baking that goes on at my parents'. But times change, don't they? QUICKLY! And not everything can stay the same. It's nice to have traditions, but it's so easy to get unyielding or legalistic, and then we miss the whole point of Christmas: which is celebrating Christ.

"For unto us is born this day in the city of David, a Savior Who is Christ the Lord."

thanks

I want to be truly grateful for what God has given me.

Last Sunday Pastor Steve preached on being truly grateful for all things, good and bad, roses and thorns, because all things work together for God's good. He said that the root of ingratitude is accusation. By being ungrateful we accuse God of not knowing what is best for us or how to care for His own. Putting it that way is really a revelation and it illuminates the true damage of grumbling and complaining. I don't believe there is anything wrong with being honest with God regarding our circumstances. He doesn't call us to be 'happy all the day' like the old hymn implies. I do believe that our joy and faith needs to come from a deeper place; a place that the mucky sludge of life cannot taint. When we believe in the delicate balance of our personal choices and their consequences vs. The ultimate fact that God is in control of all things, rolling with the punches comes a little easier.

I got a picture from the Lord once for a friend going through a major trauma in her life. I saw my friend and her family standing in their dining room, and this "invisible" presence was surrounding them and holding them close in one arm, while the other arm was stretched out in front of them. Their circumstances were standing before them, but everything that was being hurled at them was being filtered through the hand of the One holding on to them. What an awesome picture of what our Father does for us. The pain and the trials of this world are bound to come, but God is there, filtering everything that comes at us so that we are not faced with more than we can handle through His power. Accepting that kind of picture requires something profound--the faith to believe that the trials we face can be ultimately used for our good, and for the good of those around us. We have to reconcile ourselves with the truth that while God is all powerful and could squash every painful thing that comes our way, He allows certain things to happen because of 1) Free Will and consequences, 2) our trials make us stronger as a person and as a believer, and 3) our experiences help us relate to people around us who need to know Jesus. This is only part of the picture; a simplistic view of why "bad things happen to good people". We can never fully comprehend the big picture, the plans and mind of God. But we can believe in His inherent goodness and unconditional love and cling to the promise that all things work together for good for those who love Him.

So I want to be grateful for all the blessings God has given me this Thanksgiving and all the time...My family and friends, my job, my apartment, my church...But I also want to thank Him for the trials I face that make me stronger and that show me the glory of His power. When I come through something tough victoriously, it is a testimony to His amazing grace and faithfulness. There is nothing I would rather be than a testimony to the grace of God.

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.

my turn to ramble

Ok, not to steal anything from Scott, but I just wanted to be random and ramble on about things that are bouncing around in my head.

Have you all heard the new group Under the Influence of Giants? All I had was a single until recently someone gave me the album. I LOVE this group. You have to check it out. I have also recently acquired The Killers new album, Sam's Town. Yum.

My friend Derek recently posted some stuff about music and asked what songs we would like to see live. I immediately went to 80's music and listed songs by some of the Big Hair Bands like Def Leopard and Guns N Roses. He commented on that, saying what about the 90's? Well, I think it's because of a couple of reasons. The 80's was when I was in junior high and high school. Music was just becoming influential, and hearing that stuff really takes you back. I also don't think that the 90's have been gone long enough for us to miss the music as much. I remember when the 80's music hit "oldies" status because we hit the 20 year mark. I don't like the term "oldies" very much! I am sure our parents didn't either when their rock and roll became dated. I am only starting to miss the 90's. The grunge era with Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana, Soundgarden and Stone Temple Pilots. I loved that stuff, too. Mmmm, and Ben Folds Five. "Brick" is such a great song...I loved that depressed piano driven sound...

I am housesitting and dog-sitting for the Donnelly's this week. They are off in Florida enjoying the sun. It's raining here, the usual for Ohio fall weather. Taking care of Bailey is a dichotomy. He is a great dog, but I am not used to having someone to come home to and take care of. I see how independent I have become and wonder how I would ever live with someone if I got married. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to find out! But as I get older I realize how settled I have become. It's nice having someone at home happy to see me. But at the same time, what happens when I don't come home soon enough? :o) (Don't worry Scott and Cheryl, I am not neglecting your boy!) It's just been interesting considering these things.

Cool things have been happening at work. It takes me a long time to get to know people sometimes, and that means I am pretty reserved until I feel comfortable. I have noticed in the last few weeks, however, that things have changed with my coworkers. I have such a great time with them now; we spend the day laughing at stupid mistakes, bothersome sales reps, and crazy customer requests. It's such a stress reliever for me to be able to make smart comments out loud and laugh with my friends about what's going on during the day. We have decided to start going out after work every once in awhile so we can get to know each other better. It's such a blessing to actually enjoy my work and my work environment. Plus I am making new friends in the area which is always a good thing. After all the stress over the summer, it's nice to have a full team again on the phones so the work load is more tolerable.

My car, however, is not so good. I have had it in the shop every month for the past 3 months, and once over the summer. I have surpassed what I paid for it long ago. Jesus, please send me a more reliable car! He has already blessed me with a Christian mechanic who lets me make payments on the repairs and has a loaner he gives out at no charge. I am not complaining. It's just that the stress of car trouble gives me nightmares. I have noticed an empathy that has come from all the trouble I have experienced. Every time I see a car pulled over on the side of the road I immediately say a prayer for them. Sometimes if it looks like a desperate enough situation I tear up. It's really affects me. I pray that the Lord intervenes soon and helps me either be able to afford a car payment, or works a miracle in some other way.

Last but not least, for those of you who love the old 80's movies like 16 candles, Breakfast Club, Karate Kid, and so many others, I have the movie for you! VH1 did an original movie spoofing all the great 80's scenarios. It's called Totally Awesome and they have been playing it everyday since Saturday. You should really check it out if you are interested...I laughed and laughed.

Peace out for now!